Find Your Tribe

“Stop finding reasons to give up and instead start finding reasons to keep going.” -Anonymous

Surround yourself with positive people. For me it’s been the same group of girls over the last 15 years. My tribe of 5 give it to me straight because they want to see me succeed:

                                              Truthful

                                                     Relentless

                                                            Intelligent

                                                                   Beautiful

                                                                          Empowering

Truthful to your face. Relentless to help you achieve your goals wither it be fitness or life . Intelligent enough to have stimulating conversations as well as those nights where you just nerd out over the latest Harry Potter theory. Beautiful souls because that counts wayyyyy more than a pretty face (don’t worry, you guys have that too). Empowering people to be around to remind you that you can do anything and nothings going to stop you. These 5 embody all of the above, yet each have their own unique bond with me.

So who exactly are these people?

Their your soulmate, the person you always call first about anything and everything. We’ve literally had conversations from huge life events to absolutely nothing……and I mean nothing….and I mean nothing. Calling each other and just sitting on the phone watching two different shows and not speaking is normal. This person knows you better than you know yourself, tells you straight up if you’re being basic, and reminds you to keep your head in the clouds but anchor those feet. You probably finish each others sentences or know what each other is thinking with just a look. They would stop at nothing to make you smile on your lowest and put you before anyone else.

The person you can get weird with. When you’re in that silly mood you call this person up. The one you spend hours playing with Snapchat filters and crying from laughing so hard. This person is the one you’re not afraid to sound or act stupid with, you sing on the top of your lungs with this person….literally. The important conversations are still had, but majority of the time you’ll find yourselves cracking up about all the stupid crap you’ve done together over the years. And out in public…forget it. You two are always found having a blast and enjoying life because the energy is always high.

The goal achiever is usually the one who has it the most together in your eyes. You see them set a goal at the end of the year and achieve them by the end of the next. They are the ones you’d go for advice on how they do it without giving up. They are the one who sometimes needs you around to remind them to not take life so seriously, but puts into perspective where you are and what you’re not doing to achieve your own goals. They are your wake up call and determination. This person is always in your corner to give you the tools to succeed.  They are the one you look up to.

Then theirs the relatable one, this person is like your twin. Your lives are parallel and there’s no rhyme or reason to it. Everything that they are going through either you’ve already went through or will. They are the one you go to about life talks and the one who’s the least judgmental. They support you in the craziness yet will pull you back to reality by reminding you the lessons they’ve learned. They are wise beyond their years and the one you have philosophical conversations with. They were put into your life to let you know that you’re not alone, that although you aren’t blood related or don’t look exactly alike, you were cut from the same cloth.

And lastly, this person is the one you know who’s going to give it to you straight, the blunt one. The one who tells you how it is regardless if you want to hear it or not. They want nothing but the best for you and don’t mind you mad at them for telling the truth that you’ll realize later on. This person has no filter, they are the one you go to when you need the biggest reality check. They can be reckless with words but its all out of love.

Of course if you’re lucky you find that your tribe members aren’t just one type but a mixture. They are the ones who’ve gotten you through the toughest times without judgement and vice versa. They are the reasons that help you keep going when you think you’ve got nothing left to give. They warn you about the negative bs that you allow and are real af when you need it the most. I am grateful for my tribe. Without them who knows where I’d be.

-AMP

 

 

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Reflection

I’ve posted 26…..now 27 parts of my thoughts this year. If you’re a true blogger and reading this then you’re probably laughing because that’s nothing compared to what you do. I didn’t intend to write a certain amount as this was just a way to express myself. 

However, from the time I started this til now a lot has happened. Just like any year mine’s had its ups and downs. I’ve lost people, things, and myself. I’ve added people, things and a new respect and understanding of who I am and what I want in life. 

If you look at my first couple of posts you’ll see a writer trying to find her voice. I dabbled in sports writing…. not my best work, some promising parts though. I’ve shared the workings of a girls brain through over analyzing the simplest of things, I’ve touched upon subjects of bullying, love, how cancer sucks, a concert review, and how a creative minds works.

I opened up a window to my own personal experiences. To how much I had in my bank account to losing who I was because another failed relationship ended. I allowed myself to share my writings in poetry and part of a short story and that was only the first half of the year. 

I’ve found peace and adventure during the last 6 months. I gained back my confidence,  I’ve renewed my strength, I’ve surrounded myself with people who challenge me in good ways and balance my life. I’ve chosen to lead a life that I want to live, not work through. I’ve found someone who doesn’t complete me, but reminds me that I can do anything I set my mind too and I for them. 

And lastly I’ve seen people’s true colors the second half of this year. Most that shimmer and are a positive in my life but others that truly surprised me with their selfishness. I will never understand how you can just stop believing in someone. I will never forget the words that were said and that’s fine because I’ve become a better person and my eyes have been opened that in reality the ones who are closest to you have the most power to cripple you if you let them. So here’s to 2018 continuing the journey to peace and love. Thank you for joining and see you next year!

-AMP

Cha Cha Cha Changes

In the past 5 months.

Lost:

Love, passion, soulmate, home.

Gained:

Adventure, interest, wanderlust, confidence.

The same time that I fell out of love, I gained a new adventure in my career. The same time I started losing my passion for dance, I gained more interest in pursuing writing. I traveled to Hawaii, caught the travel bug and now am itching to go explore, something I have often put on the backburner. I’ve discovered who I am NOW, have been more confident about what I want lately, yet still yearn for a someone to experience life with. My bestfriend moved across the country making her a six and a half flight away rather than an hour and a half drive, but luckily our phone skills are on point.

Changes haven’t always been my strong point. I’ve always stayed closer to home, stayed in my comfort zone, and kept my aspirations contained. Now all I want to do is get lost in a new city, immerse myself with the locals, and gain life experiences instead of trudging through it like a robot.

Today is my sorta day off so I finally got to sleep in and you know what I wasn’t ashamed to do so. I slept until noon, something I used to do often before starting my 9–5 job….I miss it. Anyway, I got a notification on my LinkedIn account like I do everyday, however, this one post really struck me. Bianca Jackson posted “I quit my 9–5 job. I felt victorious,” to which I was all like You go girl!, but then I kept reading, “What scares me the most in life is NOT having enough money but rather not living and walking in my purpose. Life is not a stage rehearsal but rather the play in action. Will you be the star you were meant to be or cruise through life as the understudy to your greatness?” DAMN.

Just take a second a let that sink in.

Those last two lines have my head spinning. Am I really going to continue to let my jobs run my life? Am I willing to sacrifice more of it to help others succeed? What about me? Who is rooting for me to be happy? Is that a selfish thing to do? HOLD UP! What better time to be selfish than now? I’m still young enough to go out travel, better myself. I’m not married nor do I have kids, something I thought I’d have by now if you asked 16 year old me, but that’s not the cards I’ve been dealt with. So why not now? Why not up and run with life?

The control freak in me is saying: money, students, family. All things I’ve put in front of my own happiness. There is only so much they can do for you. If I’m being totally honest dance isn’t my happy place anymore. It’s exhausting. I recently had a conversation with my old dance teacher and she put it perfectly, “Dance is being turned into a sport, it’s all about the tricks, and no longer an art.” How true is that? People don’t get that dance is art. It is an expression for those who can’t speak their mind. It is a pain reliever for those who’ve lost their way. Its an escape. Granted I have some students who get that, but its only a handful out of the hundreds I teach.

So now what? Well, I have a creative writing degree that I’m currently doing nothing with. I’m stuck at a marketing job that is great extra money, but not somewhere I want to be forever. I have no time to do anything because I work constantly to pay the bills. All of my friends for the most part have 9–5 jobs or are married. I am still using the phrase, “ I can’t I have dance,” when they ask about hanging out. I’m frustrated beyond belief with my life being run by my jobs rather than myself. And all that’s going on in my head is “Something has changed within me, something is not the same…”I’m just tried of missing out on life. I’m tired of my life right now ruining relationships because I have no time. I’m tired of not loving what I do anymore. I’m just plain tired. Something needs to happen. Something needs to change.

-AMP

Let It Go

Being extremely unhappy is an issue anyone can fix with just a flip of their attitude. All you need to do is change your perspective of life as you see it. 

For example: In NJ it has been gloomy for the last couple of days. People can head into the day in a crappy mood or wake up and smile, thankful for being alive another day.

Now I didn’t have any near death experiences for me to shift, I jut realizes that instead of moving through life we should enjoy it. You never know what will happen tomorrow so book that vacation you keep putting off. Take a couple of me days just to get in tune with yourself again. Do something adventurous just because. 

I’ve don’t simply things like after waking up just smiling for a good 2 minutes or so before getting up. My friends and I are finally taking that mini vaca we’ve been wanting to. I’ve started researching for a book I want to write. Lastly, I’ve written down every negative thing that holds me back from living a happy life on a piece of paper and burned it. Letting the negativity drift out of my hands and far far away. Simple things like that have made a huge impact in my life. Having things to look forward to that are in the near future is way more exciting than things that are in the distance future.

Another reason I’ve decided to pursue this outlook on life is because of a Netflix show called No Tomorrow, it really puts how you spend your time here in perspective. Seriously check it out! Why keep life uneventful and repetitive? Get out there. Do something on your bucket list soon instead of later because you never know where life is going to take you.

-AMP

8.44

That’s how much was in my bank account earlier today. What a huge wake up call that was. I have goals for myself and I’ve been putting them on the back burner for other people’s happiness. It took an email from my bank to make me realize that I need to get my act together.

I want to get a place, something I can call my own for once. A place that I can decorate and splash me across.

I want to get a newer car so I don’t have to worry if it will breakdown every other day.

I want to get a job that I don’t have to worry about losing money if it snows. To be fair I think I’m taking directions in the right step with interning.

A friend of mine wrote me a “letter” through text about me finding my fire. Well, dance has always been my fire, yet teaching these young students is becoming a chore more than a passion. I love to perform, but I don’t have the confidence to put myself out there enough. Before it was because I didn’t want to miss anything family wise, again putting others before my happiness, but now in the dance world I am old. I can only urge my students to put themselves out their if they want to be a dancer. However, I never want to stop teaching completely.

I feel most free when dancing at a club, wedding, party. I’m not afraid of someone judging me for having a good time. I don’t feel pressured to dance like an eighth grader because I just want to do my own thing. I feel alive. I find that in writing now. Although I am not 100% confident in my work, no artist is, I am confident enough to ask for feedback from close friends and family.

Today I was driving to work and an idea for a story colored my mind. I am pursing this as a next step into my new life. I want to put my whole self in writing this to prove that I made the right decision to go back to school. I’m excited to see where my imagination will take the story as well. Hopefully I will be writing soon about sending samples to publisher’s, but let’s not get ahead.

From now on I am making conscious decisions on saving money to get the things I want most and to have a growing relationship with the ones I love. So if I say I can’t go out, it’s not against you, it’s about putting my priorities first this time around. Oh yeah and I got paid today.

-AMP

2017 the start of something…

I realize that I am starting a blog at the end of January, but better late than never. Already 2017 has brought chaos into our new year, a year where we are supposed to rebirth in a sense. However, with a billionaire gone President happens and he spews out anything that’s on his mind of course 2017 starts off with protests.

Now listen I don’t talk politics, I don’t get politics, so this isn’t a political post. I am, however, a women and am proud that so many supported each other in a March not only in D.C, but all over the world. As a woman you can’t help but want equality, yeah we get to vote, have jobs outside of being a wife and mother, and other historical happenings…but we are still not equal in pay in most jobs and women are still considered the weaker sex. We should be allowed what happens to our bodies because everyone’s story is different. What I hope for is recognition of how much harder we have to work to get certain jobs and eventually true equality. With that my feminist rant is over.

I little more about me so you know what you’re getting yourself into. I love a good book with a warm blanket and a hot cup of tea. Dance is in my blood and I’m proud that I grew up in a studio. I think the arts are something every child should encounter. I feel bad for those who don’t understand it, because it is beautiful and life changing. I grew up in a divorced household, but loved by both sides. I was brought up to never judge someone on their ethnicity or sexual orientation. I believe that people should be able to love who they want to love and if you can’t understand that, well it’s just plan sad.

I fell in love with hockey at a young age because of my aunt, and I was definitely one of those 10 year olds cursing at the refs, I’m not ashamed. I am a diehard Devil’s fan and have met most of the team from the past five years and a bunch of alumni players. I am proud to be an avid lover of hockey and I actually go to watch the players play and not to just watch the players. Season ticket holder for 10 years and counting.

Lastly, this blog is where I’ll word vomit whatever is on my mind ^ clearly and I guess whoever reads this are the ones who will come on the ride with me.

-AMP