That’s how much was in my bank account earlier today. What a huge wake up call that was. I have goals for myself and I’ve been putting them on the back burner for other people’s happiness. It took an email from my bank to make me realize that I need to get my act together.
I want to get a place, something I can call my own for once. A place that I can decorate and splash me across.
I want to get a newer car so I don’t have to worry if it will breakdown every other day.
I want to get a job that I don’t have to worry about losing money if it snows. To be fair I think I’m taking directions in the right step with interning.
A friend of mine wrote me a “letter” through text about me finding my fire. Well, dance has always been my fire, yet teaching these young students is becoming a chore more than a passion. I love to perform, but I don’t have the confidence to put myself out there enough. Before it was because I didn’t want to miss anything family wise, again putting others before my happiness, but now in the dance world I am old. I can only urge my students to put themselves out their if they want to be a dancer. However, I never want to stop teaching completely.
I feel most free when dancing at a club, wedding, party. I’m not afraid of someone judging me for having a good time. I don’t feel pressured to dance like an eighth grader because I just want to do my own thing. I feel alive. I find that in writing now. Although I am not 100% confident in my work, no artist is, I am confident enough to ask for feedback from close friends and family.
Today I was driving to work and an idea for a story colored my mind. I am pursing this as a next step into my new life. I want to put my whole self in writing this to prove that I made the right decision to go back to school. I’m excited to see where my imagination will take the story as well. Hopefully I will be writing soon about sending samples to publisher’s, but let’s not get ahead.
From now on I am making conscious decisions on saving money to get the things I want most and to have a growing relationship with the ones I love. So if I say I can’t go out, it’s not against you, it’s about putting my priorities first this time around. Oh yeah and I got paid today.