Friday night: drinks, friends, and music.
Not enough food in my system leads to over dramatic AMP.
Gone to the bathroom to pee and boom enter my new BFF. Girls you know who I’m talking about the one girl you meet in the bathroom that tells you you’re pretty or they like something of yours. Well this was a little bit different…
Her name was Ashley and within two seconds my friend and I were invited into a stall with her to talk about why I was upset. Yup, no boundaries were spared during this encounter and to be honest nobody cared. For some stupid reason I got myself all worked up about how I don’t think I can be loved. Past relationships were brought up and Ashley had nothing but nice and encouraging things to say to me without even knowing who I was. She said that the guy I’m with now, clearly loves me and don’t let exes keep a hold on you because their part of the past for a reason. Now mind you I had to ask my friend who got dragged into this little powwow why I was upset because I clearly didn’t remember, lets just call it a brownout, you know when you only remember parts of your night. Yeah..
I ended up getting this girls number and I remember her saying text me and we can talk more about this because I’ve been going through the same thing. I told her I was going to write about her in my blog and I’ve decided to send it to her as well. Hey Ashley, thanks for being a trooper and saying such kind words from what I remember and what I was told. There needs to be more girls like you in the world who are genuine to people they don’t even know.
The rest of the night I was a basic hot mess. I couldn’t stop crying and eventually admitted I was exhausted. There was only one other time this has happened, minus many drinks involved. That time was when I mentally checked out. I couldn’t understand why I was feeling sad, unloved, and not worthy of love. I cried to my mom for hours about how I don’t want to end up divorced like many people in our family. I said I didn’t understand how someone who loves you can hurt you so badly. I told her I was mentally and physically done and that I just wanted to go away, which freaked her out because she thought I wanted to kill myself. I would never do that just to be clear. I just felt like I was being suffocated all at once by my insecurities: am I pretty enough, can somebody love me for the rest of my life , am I good enough for someone?
SNAP OUT OF IT! I am good enough, pretty enough, and clearly capable of love. I deserve to be free from the past and my fears. I can’t let them cripple me and I won’t. Ashley’s advice made me get a grip, well maybe not at the time, but seriously my eyes are wide open to the problem. Sometimes it takes a complete stranger for you to actually listen. Sometimes we need to have embarrassing breakdowns to get a clear head. Sometimes we just need to take a deep breath and just let all that negative crap out. Seriously. This post is dedicated to those who’ve ever felt like this and to all the Ashley’s us girls encounter in the bathroom!